A simple fact is that without these movies bringing Transformers back into the mainstream, we would not have half the wonderful toys, figures and/or other bits and bobs that we do now, my wallet would be in a much better state, but for this I am thankful. The question of it I actually enjoy all the movies, well that’s a tad more complicated…
Transformers.
2007
I have quite a fond memory of this as I went to the cinema to see it with my Dad, just as I did the animated movie back in 1986 so a nice bit of nostalgia. I liked the film. Yeah, I would have loved one set in the 80’s with all the characters looking as they did back in the day, but, I’m not sure it would have worked. Ok, I am sure it wouldn’t have worked, but that’s not the point, I would still like to see it!
Looking at the Autoboots, I really liked Optimus Primes new Peterbilt truck, I liked Bumblebee, although I wish he would have stayed in the older model of Camaro and not upgraded, I think it worked better for him being the older beaten up model. I loved the Ironhide truck, just loved it. Ratchet worked and Jazz was perfectly fine. These updates and that did not bother me, I think they worked. The Autobots to me, all looked like Autobots should.
With the Decepticons. Megatron. Interesting. So, him being a gun would not have worked. I would have had him as a tank myself, I think that alt works for Megatron, nothing wrong with the Cybertronian jet, I just would have rather him have been a tank, personal preference I did like his more menacing robot mode though, that worked and actually gave him a threat factor he sometimes lacked in the cartoon. Starscream. I’m torn on this, jet mode was obviously lovely and spot on, half of me really liked the sort of bird like update to robot mode and the head being as grim as it was, the other half of me wasn’t sold on it. I actually thought about it longer than I should have done and all I got was 50/50, I guess it depends on what sort of mood you catch me as to if I like or dislike it that day. Blackout and Brawl (do people just gloss over him being called Devestator in the film now?) Anyway, both looked great. Bonecrusher, again, I really liked him, looked mean, shame he got his top popped so quickly. Frenzy and Scorponok again both looked fine. I really do think the redesigns worked, not so much for that initial toy run, but on the screen yes, absolutely. Now, here I am talking about how they looked, not to be confused with how they were treated in the film, which wasn’t so great.
So we all know the story and yeah, I mostly liked it. I even laughed out at the whole “the boys pheromone level suggests he wishes to mate with the female”. I didn’t hate the story, I just feel it could have been better. I’ll do a “How I would have done…” story sometime about how I would have done this film, with the same characters and just done a little more with them. I’ll probably prove myself wrong, but could be fun. I do understand that this was the first movie, it was 2007, the budget meant it couldn’t constantly have Transformers on screen, but it brought Transformers back into people’s minds and the toy market started to boom not long afterwards so for all of those reasons and the fact the first time Optimus pulled up and transformed on screen I went a little giddy.
Revenge Of The Fallen.
2009
Funny story about this film, when I went to see it at the cinema it was my birthday. I had a fairly epic hangover when I woke up (my mate’s birthday is 2 days before so we went out on the in-between day) anyway, I was not in a good state, but there was a Transformers movie to see so I rose from the near grave. For my breakfast I was given a full English with all the good stuff, including black pudding, which was lovely. However, it was a crazy, crazy hot day and I somehow ended up in the back of the car for the drive. so, hangover, badly overheating, VERY full stomach, a bump in the road and a seemingly innocent cough and things turned rather ugly, rather quickly. I vomited. Badly. It was a sneak attack vomit with no real warning and I absolutely coated myself in the nasty. The driver (a now ex) pulled over, my dad jumped out of the car faster than I had seen him move in years. I climbed out, emptied my t-shirt onto the verge and sadly left the rest of my breakfast there. T-shirt & jeans were coated in the stuff and it did not smell good, I could clearly pick out the smells of all the Guinness, Sambuca and Jager from the night before. At this point I got the giggles as here I was, 32 (I think) on the day and I was stood by the side of the road losing weight with my dad giving me a hanky… I sure he was really proud deep down. We were already pretty close to the cinema at this point, so we continued there as time was a factor and we had booked tickets, I popped into Debenhams of all places and bought myself some new clothes and some baby wipes for a quick slut wash and change in the toilets and I was sort of ok to maybe think about going. I think I got it all.
So yeah, the film.
What to say what to say… I liked some of the ideas and some of the action was fantastic, then Micheal Bay clearly trying to film Megan Foxes vagina was an interesting touch for a kid’s film, mild racism, slightly boring story, awful jokes and just general plodding left me a little cold for it.
I liked Primes introduction and that fight. Stood there with Ironhide when as Demolisher said the fallen is coming and all that. I was a little taken back by Prime then executing him with a headshot… I know Prime has been updated to be a little more warrior like and that, but a straight execution? Seemed a bit much, I would have rather Ironhide did it and Prime told him off or something like that.
The warehouse and forest fight following I really liked, the shell coming out the gun, just all really cool stuff, then the “I’ll take you all on!” I was there, cool, Transformers action. I think the film took a dive with Primes then death. It started with the actual death, something about the judder just before he falls always looked a bit odd to me then just the faffing about afterwards wasn’t really that interesting.
I liked the Constructicons as individuals, I wasn’t a fan of the weird Gorilla like combined update. The rest were a little on the generic side, especially in the final battle. Following the forest battle, I don’t think the film has anything all that great until the final battle, which was basically a lot of explosions!
As the credits started to roll my friend told me that the stench of Sambuca which has clearly permeated the entire theatre was making him feel iffy and a total stranger nodded in agreement. Good times. I do tend to skip past a lot after the forest battle though!!!
Dark Of The Moon.
2011
Before going to see this movie I did not going out drinking the night before, I do sometimes learn! This seems to be quite a divisive one, I’ve seen both a fair bit of hate (us Transformers fans are a difficult bunch to please it seems) and I’ve seen some love for it. I personally actually quite enjoyed it this film. The brief space battle at the beginning was really cool, I liked the the moon mission, I thought the trip to Chernobyl and Shockwave turning up with his weird drill thing worked. I liked Sentinal Prime and his little story. I loved the references to Megatrons Master Plan with the Autobots being exiled. I was actually a bit gutted when Ironhide was horribly murdered after his really cool stand off with the Beserkers. I didn’t care much for Sam or his screaming story, or evil McDreamy but the rest of the transforming action worked well for me and overall I always enjoy this film when it comes on, other than that, I really don’t have much to say about this film!
Age Of Extinction.
2014.
I remember watching the trailers. No more Sam, replaced by Mark Wahlberg and Dinobots! Sure Grimlock looked a tad oversized ad Prime looked a bit weird, but it looked cool, then I went to see it. Straight off the bat it started going on about the creators and a seed and how they killed the dinosaurs. OK, not sure I agree with any of that, but lets see what else they have. We were introduced to inventor Cade who is an inventor who invents things, who finds a beaten up Optimus Prime. I quite liked this throw back look for him, he proceeds to fix him and all promptly his life goes south. It’s pretty much all down hill from here. I thought Galvatron looked weird and why exactly did he have a hole in his chest? I thought the blocky transformation effect thing was rubbish. “Transformium”. Really? I liked Hound’s charecter a lot, but, I thought he was more bulkhead than Hound. So Optimus Prime is all beaten up and to get past this he simply transforms into the new truck and mode? Could he not have done this before he got beaten up by Lockdown and why did he chose to change his robot form so drastically? About Lockdown, yeah, I thought he was cool. What was with the weird Romeo and Juliet sex speech? Also, I’m sorry, but an “F” bomb should not be dropped into a Transformers movie, it’s just not the place for them. The biggest sin, to me at least, Optimus Prime should not kill humans. Ever. He always overcomes, but here he killed, big no no for me. Earlier on in the film he said he was going to kill whoever was responsible for killing Ratchet. He was pretty angry at the time and lost his cool, I thought it would be a time so when the moment came he would show how to handle it like Optimus should, but no, he actually just killed him. I did quite like Hounds fight near the end simply because it was entertaining. I nearly forgot to mention the Dinobots, but then again, so did the film. They turned up, they ran around, they got sucked up into the sky by a large killer magnet, then walked off. I didn’t much like the redesigns, I know they would be touched up a little, but they didn’t work for me. Then right at the end Optimus just flies off into space. I don’t enjoy this film. I noticed the other day that although I have the Blu Ray for it, it’s still sealed!
The Last Knight.
2016.
After the mess that was AOE they would have pulled thier socks up and come out with something good right? So, when I walked out the cinema after watching it with the same mate I had been with to see almost all the previous Transformers movies the first thing he said was “I think I’m done with this franchise”. Some berk being soaked in Sambuca smelling vomit didn’t put him off the movies, but this film did. In fairness, it’s not hard to see why. What on earth was going on? I really have no idea. My guess…
Drunk Merlin hides a staff which contains some sort of power. Optimus after dramatically flying off into space “I’m coming for you” is now an ice cube floating around. He floats into Cybertron (wasn’t Cybertron destroyed at the end of Dark Of The Moon) and Quintessa straps him down without much effort and brain washes him into Nemesis prime, giving him purple eyes, a nice little mark on his face and compelling him to say “Nemesis Prime” whenever given the chance too. Cade lives in a junk yard with Grimlock the car chewing warrior who wanders off. Megatron is back to being Megatron. I guess he went to see Quitessa to get his body and name back? He had a purple mark on his face like Prime, but it’s never really explained. Anyway, he meets with the humans that have worked with Autobots before and gets a team out of Decepticon jail, who all get pretty cool introductions and then don’t really do much. Anthony Hopkins turns up to say “dude”, call his robot butler a headmaster for no reason and die. Hotrod is French, because he likes the accent. Also Unicron being earth kinda sucks as it means he can never turn up as a threat. Oh and Bumble Bee helps Optimus out by saying his name. Honestly, this film is just a mess. The end also hints that there is more to come! I’ll go see it as I’m weak, but yikes!
So overall, although I love Transformers, I do find the movies to be a a bit of a mixed bag, there is a lot about them to like, don’t get me wrong but..
In the first film they come to earth looking for something that can be used to end all life on the planet.
In the second one they are looking for something that is the key to something that will destroy the planet.
In the third film they are trying to prevent something they have now found from having all the humans on the planet enslaved, probably leading to the destruction of the planet…
In the fourth one naughty humans are hunting Transformers to be given something as a reward which could, lead to the destruction of all life on earth.
In the fifth film, to the shock of no one at this point, they are trying to stop the bad guys from finding a magic staff which can be used to suck all the life out of the planet. (I think that’s what was going to happen anyway).
I am not a rocket scientist, nor can I predict the future, but, I’m going to take a wild stabbing guess that the film that follows on from this is there is one will probably have them looking for something which if found or not, could lead to the destruction of the planet.. just my rough guess.
I think what annoys me is that, well come on, it’s giant alien transforming robots with a 35-year history of some amazing tales and these are the best stories they can come up with for the movies? The 1986 movies is miles ahead of them and that was a rock ‘n’ roll adventure! Some of the stories from the UK comics were epic! A redoing of the IDW All Hail Megatron book could have been perfect, I just feel the story tellers let the films down here and that Transformers as a brand deserves better.
I am cautiously optimistic for the Bumblebee movie. Set in the 80’s and no Michael Bay, that could be fun. But what will follow? I’ll just have to hope for the best, will no doubt go and see it anyway and will have to find a new friend to go to see it with.
